The Definition of a Successful Marriage

So, what is the definition of a successful marriage?  Well, the word 'marriage' seems to mean different things to different people. Dictionaries explain it as the union of a man and woman, 'a combination of elements' and 'an harmonious combination'.

A marriage is also described as 'a relationship', meaning  'the way in which two people regard and behave towards each other' and  also 'an emotional and sexual association between two people'
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(If you want to easily discover why you and your partner behave in certain ways towards each other go here:- 
1000 Questions For Couples)                                         .

Anyway, the above explanations tell us nothing, unfortunately, about how to achieve a successful marriage and I doubt that many of us, if any, ever attended lessons in school or college which led to qualifying us in the creation of a loving, successful relationship, - which seems crazy considering relationships are an integral part of most peoples' whole adult lives! Therefore the definition of a successful marriage could completely elude us throughout our entire lives!

I cannot remember even one person offering me solid, insightful and truly wise advice on the definition of a successful marriage nor the creating and sustaining  of a loving partnership in the entirety of my pre-adult years. It is really no wonder therefore that we sometimes find ourselves on the threshold of a break-up often having no real idea of what brought us to this point, and little knowledge of how to get our relationships back on track.

 When we have reached the point of impending break-up we aren't necessarily at our most perceptive. The definition of a successful marriage is probably the last thing on our minds as we are in the midst of an emotional turmoil that can seem to paralyse our power of rational thinking, which leads us to behave in ways that give us little chance of rekindling the love we miss so much and therefore we can be unsuccessful in our attempts at reconciliation.

After much research on the subject of the definition of a successful marriage, I have discovered that the majority of us learn about relationships from the role models around us as we grow up. So, parents, aunts & uncles, grandparents etc. play a huge role in our relationship education.

We cannot know from this what is really going on inside these peoples relationships as this is generally an observational type of learning. I know of people who have been completely shocked to learn of aspects of their own parents marriages even though they had lasted 20, 30 or even 40 years or so. The definition of a successful marriage is therefore not necessarily evident in a marriage which last for years. It may be a long marriage, but the success of it can only be defined by it's quality.

Many people have clung to a relationship that seems loveless and stagnant because they believe that they should honour their marriage vows, almost implying that the definition of a successful marriage is a kind of 'well, we've started so we better finish' type of philosophy.  Wouldn't it feel so much more rewarding though, to stay because you want to, because your individual lives are improved by the quality of your relationship together and therefore you truly have love and respect for each other?

Often a couple do feel that they still love each other, but on one or both parts respect has diminished. This is a very retrievable situation as it is often due to a pattern of behaviour which has developed after a certain point in the relationship. This situation can usually be remedied if there is willingness to do so, and love can be a big inspirer of the willingness to remove unhealthy habits.

 The definition of a successful marriage can be found in the desire to improve the quality of your relationship. A marriage is a work in progress, therefore it is never completed and raising the level of the quality of your marriage can only bring greater joy and fulfilment for you both.

Fortunately for us all, there are caring people who have spent a great deal of time in the study of the definition of a successful marriage and they do know how to create and enjoy a beautiful, loving relationship and also how to notice the point at which a couples partnership starts to deviate from what is good and worthwhile.

It is always worth enlisting the help of those more informed than ourselves when we need some clarity with regard to the definition of a successful marriage, those who can see clearly where the quality of our own relationships is falling below a healthy level and know exactly how we can raise the standard of our interactions with one another allowing love and respect to flow freely and joy to return.

When we can  get past erroneous behavioural patterns and rekindle the love, affection and respect that was there in the beginning of our marriage - which mostly has been stifled due to unhelpful emotions and thoughts, we have much more chance of realising that the definition of a successful marriage lies in the quality of our thoughts towards each other and our feelings about each other and how we demonstrate these in our relationship.

We all need help in different areas of our lives at certain times, whether it be with work, money or our children and our love relationships are no different. With the correct information and approach there is much we can accomplish and I feel that education, love and willingness will get us what we want in most areas of life, but it is particularly beneficial in understanding and living 'the definition of a successful relationship'.

I totally enjoy learning how to treat my partner and helping him learn how I like to be treated as it is not necessarily the same. I find it extremely fulfilling and empowering and I feel my love for him grow every time I choose productive behaviour in our relationship and my respect for him increases too whenever his behaviour is in line with his love for me, this for me is the definition of a successful marriage.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been this way for me. Before I learned the necessary steps to creating and sustaining a loving successful relationship, I had spent many years taking the wrong route, retracing painful steps, feeling frustrated, angry, sad, sorry for myself, unloved and basically hung out to dry on the washing line of love and definitely not understanding the definition of a successful marriage! 

This is what inspired me to research and learn as much as I needed to about successful relationships and I know you can do this too. it just takes the desire, the love, willingness and the correct information. 

 Now you have a better understanding of the definition of a successful marriage, it will be easier for you to gauge the quality of your relationship and decide in which areas you need to 'raise the standard', so I wish you good luck on your journey to the best relationship you have ever had!