Couple Fighting

Why do a couple fight? Why is it that we hear so much about unhappiness in relationships leading to a couple fighting? Why when the couple are unhappy do they turn against each other instead of 'brainstorming' their problems together as partners? The answers to these questions and more can be discovered using the couples guide  '1000 Questions For Couples'  by Michael Webb.

Michael's book is a fantastic source of inspiration for discovering you own and each others hidden 'core beliefs'. This is a sure way of strengthening your relationship and preventing 'couple fighting'. Subject matter included ranges from religion & spiritual matters, morals convictions and beliefs through hobbies and entertaining, health & wellbeing and sex, money and child-rearing, together with a host of other categories this is a substantial relationship aid, especially when trying to prevent 'couple fighting'.

You can get a copy for yourself right now by  CLICKING HERE.

After much research into human nature and relationships, I now know that all of us as we grow and develop become unconsciously programmed with certain 'core beliefs' - through our parenting and schooling etc. In our later life it is in our love relationships and very close friendships that these 'beliefs' can be strongly and sometimes frequently challenged which often leads to a couple fighting.

The cause of the couple fighting is not actually the core belief, it is our 'defense' of the belief that starts the ball rolling. Often during a conversational interaction with our partner we may automatically defend a core belief but we may be unconscious of the knowledge that this is what we are doing. We may simply feel as though our partner is challenging us in some way and it is almost a natural consequence to rise to a challenge and this is what often leads to a couple fighting.

The real problem with couple fighting, lies in the fact that most of us are unaware of many      of our own core beliefs, therefore we do not realise when and that we are defending them. Often we just feel that our partner is being argumentative, that they want to upset us and are picking a fight on purpose. But if we were to really think about that, we would realise that we love each other and have chosen to be together, so why would we want our partner to feel so hurt which is what a couple fighting is really achieving.

It is because as couples (and just as people for that matter) we are often living our lives in a 'default' mode, which means we are not consciously choosing how we think and act and what we say in our daily lives on a regular basis, but instead just re-acting from our 'default' programming. Couple fighting is inevitable if we are unaware of our true motives and real beliefs. I know that this information may sound a bit confusing, so below I offer an example for your consideration:-

Jack:     "Damn, I forgot to buy the oil for the car again when I was in town today!"

Melanie: "Well, why don't you make a list and take it with you and work from that, then you wouldn't keep forgetting these things?"

At this point there seems to be no indication of the couple fighting!

Jack:      "I hate making lists, I'm not a 'list' sort of person, never have been, never will be!"

Melanie:   "Well how are you going to remember to get important things like the oil?"

Jack:        "I don't know, just stop nagging! If you're so bothered about it why don't you go get it yourself!"

Now there are indications that this will lead to the couple fighting! See how quickly the conversation turned unfriendly and if at this point it wasn't handled extremely carefully it could turn rather nasty.

Jack was already exiting the room mid-sentence and he finally slammed the door, leaving Melanie wondering what on earth she said that was so upsetting.

It eventually transpires that growing up Jack was an extremely untidy lad in many aspect of himself, but one of the most limiting for Jack was that his handwriting was almost illegible - even to himself and he was ashamed of it.

Unfortunately his family had made a huge deal of this so-called 'failing', even using it as an anecdotal example in front of Jack and offering the advice to never take a career that would involve using hand-writing as he surely would fail! So how did this lead to the couple fighting in this relationship?

Jack had put alot of those childhood happenings to the back of his mind, it was basically as though he had forgotten about them. So when Melanie innocently suggested he make a list Jack would have had no idea that it would lead into them 'couple fighting', but nor would he have thought about his bad handwriting. Jack had in effect 'opened a file' in his subconscious which stimulated the feeling from the forgotten 'programme' but not the information, he felt under attack and therefore automatically defended himself.

Had Jack been consciously aware of this  programming, therefore not living by default, he may have told Melanie that writing a list might not be of any help to him as he had trouble reading his own scruffy handwriting. They might then have joked about it together and thought up another way for Jack to be successful with his errands, instead of feeling attacked and hurt which is usually what couple fighting can only achieve.

The intricacies and effects of 'default' living are wide and varied therefore I couldn't possible include them all in one article. This is part 1 of my information on 'couple fighting' and this articles will be updated at regular intervals, so please feel free to bookmark this page for your ongoing easy access. I truly hope this has been of interest and value to you as a person and as part of a couple.

  CLICK HERE for the next article on Couples fighting and default living.